At The Feet of the Guru

Monday, November 1^st

Today I decided to try yet again to contact my bank, as I had not had any success getting through to the 800 number last week. Finally, the connection is made and I speak with a representative to confirm the replacement bank card has been shipped. The person I spoke with informed me that unfortunately, the card had not been sent to India due to security reasons; he suggested that I identify someone in the United States that they could forward it to, who in turn could send it to me express mail. I was completely stunned, as I had been assured just days prior that they would ship directly to India. I provided them with the only address I knew off the top of my head and hung up feeling totally defeated. The This would mean a delay of at least another week. My patience is beginning to wear thin, and I can find no mitigating reason for my continued presence in Rishikesh.

I feel a growing sense of powerlessness and can do nothing to change it. I have had to borrow money, and I am awaiting emergency funds from London via Western Union.  And only later do I learn that my sister to whom I directed the card, has had to travel to London to attend a funeral and won't be home to receive the package. The whole situation has declined into a farce. I make urgent contact with my sister; she will be home on Thursday and can forward the bank card on by Friday. It is in the hands of the gods now, I can do nothing more.

I head to town to escape the churning of my own mind, and en route I run into two women whom I had met at the ashram a fortnight ago. They invited me to lunch, and commenced to regal me with tales of their adventures. As it turns out, they had been invited to travel in a small private party with a well know guru to Gangotri, a place of pilgrimage some 200 kilometers away, where they had been received like royalty. From there they had traveled further to Ranikhet, where they again sat at the feel of a the guru, and were lavished with gifts. I could feel the bile of jealously rising inside of me. Again I wondered what cruel twist of fate had left me stranded here, whilst others were being blessed with amazing experiences. My life merited no such grace, and I wondered if there wasn't something inherently lacking within me. Yet, even as these thoughts arose; I could not deny that grace moves through my life at every moment. I have only to open my heart and and my mind to witness its presence. It is in the judgement that someone else is receiving more, that I lose sight of it.

We sat in a restaurant over looking the river where families came to bathe. The children played in the water whilst the women entered the river fully clothed in saris and discretely anointed themselves with the blessed waters of the Ganges. The men on the other hand stripped down to their underwear and liberally soaped themselves from head to toe. Coated in white lather, they scooped water into silver urns that shimmered under the afternoon sun; to wash away the grime and the soap, and perhaps a little karma. I was amazed to see that the elder women, grandmothers amongst the bathers, strip off their bras and enter the river topless. For a moment I held my breath, certain that there would be shouts of outrage from other onlookers, but their nudity was met with indifference. It was a perfectly natural occurrence, a liberty afforded to women once they had passed their prime.

Lunch was a long leisurely affair as none of us had any particular agenda. It was three hours later, when we had tired of watching the bathers, that we finally rose to leave. I hugged the two women and wished they well. They in turn extended an invitation to me to visit them in the Chez Republic and we exchanged email addresses. I slowly made my way back to the ashram. On arriving, I noticed that there was a policemen speaking with Manus and I had a sense that it was something serious from the tone of their voices. I wondered what was up, but quickly dismissed it as none of my business.

There was a weighted silence in the dining hall at dinner, and I realized that something very serious had occurred. However, when I asked what had happened, I was told not to worry, every thing was fine. I didn't press the issue, as I knew that I would eventually learn about the events that had transpired. The day had been an emotional roller coaster for me and I welcomed the solitude of my room.