Diwali

Friday, November 5th/ Saturday November 6th

After morning meditation I headed down to the Ganga View to meet up with Sachin. He showed up half an hour later weighted down with fireworks for the evenings celebration. We ordered chai and lingered in the cafe for a while, before setting off for his mothers house. We clambered up a steep hill to reach the mountain road;both laboring for breath as we reached the crest and collapsed onto a mound of rocks to recover. Sachin took charge of the negotiations with the drivers, However, today fortune did not smile on us. We had to wait more than an hour for a driver to finally agree to take us as many were holding out for bigger fares.

We arrived at Tanmaya's home just before lunch. I presented her with a box of dried fruits and nuts in celebration of the holiday and Sachin dutifully handed her a box of sweets. She received these small tokens graciously and set about making chai for us. There were two other guests staying at the retreat center, who were here for a special naming ceremony that will take place tonight. I introduced my self to the two men, they smiled politely, and very quickly they fell into an animated discussion in Hindi, with Sachin.   I sat on the sideline, happy to sip tea and bask in the afternoon sun.

Lunch is ready and we sit down to eat in the open courtyard. The meal is a simple one of dal and chapati and we eat in relative silence. Afterwards, I meander into Tanmaya's zen garden, where I sit contemplating the future. Tanmaya has invited me to stay for an indefinite period of time, and I wonder what the quality of life would here in the seclusion of this retreat. Oddly, the idea appeals to me, but a part of me knows that this would simply be a form of escapism. It would only serve to postpone the real decisions that I need to make about my life. I am at a crossroads, and the impulse to completely change course is undeniable. Yoga teacher, Reiki practitioner, or Sage; I feel ill suited for any of these.  Masked behind this gnawing uncertainty, is a fear of stepping into the unknown. 

The sound of drumming brings me back to the present, as Sachin warms up in preparation for tonight's celebration. I rejoin the men in the courtyard, and find Sachin attempting to instruct one of them how to play the bass melody on the drum. Not having much success, he asked me if I wanted to give it a try. I said yes, and under his tutelage I was able to keep to the rhythm. We played till my palms became sore and I was greatly relieved when we stopped for a break.  It was clear that there would be no vocal lesson today, but playing drums was almost as much fun.

Sachin and I climbed up to the roof to recline on the matting that had been placed there. He shared tales about his class reunion in Delhi, then our conversation veered off, as all the thoughts teeming in my mind spilled into the space between us. He listened, but offered no advice, except to say that I should be open to what opportunities may come; with no preconceptions. The day evaporated into evening, and Tanmaya gathered those of us present, to begin the evening meditation practice. The entire courtyard was illuminated with candle light that flickered like the winking stars that danced above our heads; brightest among then was Venus.  The two men and I gathered in the courtyard to be guided by Tanmaya as she led us in the meditation. We danced with a wild abandon, equally matched by Sachin's uninhibited beating of the drums, giving rise to a rhythmic pulse that connected us to the ground beneath our feet.  When the the music died down, we came to a quiet stillness, in anticipation of the ceremony that would now take place. As new initiate into the Osho meditation practice, one of the men was to be given his new name. Tanmaya a disciple herself for more than twenty years, will officiate the ceremony with all the weight of her established tenure and acquired wisdom.

The ceremony commences with several prayers and incantations.  Dressed in a long white gown with a matching shawl, Tanmaya is the embodiment of grace.  She makes the pronouncement, bestowing the new name and reaches out to embrace the one whom has just taken on this new identity.  I look up at the night sky with its glistening points of light, and know the magic of this moment, to be forever recorded in the movement of the stars.  The initiate is beaming with joy and I join in with the others to congratulate him. With the ceremony completed, we move to the communal room for the evening meal that Tanmaya has prepared. 

Rajmas with rice and vegetables, is followed by sweets in celebration of Diwali. After dinner we all 

spill out into the court yard to watch the fire work display. Sachinwatch music videos on my laptop computer. 

The day had come to a natural close and it was time to retire.  It was decided that all of the men would sleep on the beds in the music room and I was shown to the guest room, slightly apart from the main building. I settled into my room and lay in the dark listening to the rush of water from the near by river. Sachin came to see if I was settled in ok and make sure that I had a torch in case I needed to find my way to the bathroom during the night. We chatted for a while, before he slipped away to spend time with his mother, as this would be one of his last remaining nights with her.   It was 10:00PM, still relatively early for bed, but with the dense blanket of darkness that enveloped the landscape, it felt appropriate.  Sleep came easily, and I didn't stir until the first strains of light came pouring into the room early the next morning.

Tanmaya greeted me with a cup of chai and shared with me the story of how she had come to create this retreat center.  After many long months of searching for land in several different states, she had found this location, and determined that it  was to be her new home.  she was one of the very first people to settle here more than five years ago she.  Completely isolated, she lived in a make shift tent; she cooked on an open fire and made the best of the many physical hardships that came from having no running water or electricity. What she possessed however, was a powerful vision of what she intended to create here. With assistance from many of her friends and supporters, she succeeded in constructing the Osho Zen meditation center of her vision. I am secretly in awe of her, knowing I possess neither her courage nor determination.

At 7:00am the music began to stream out of the speakers. It was time for meditation and once again. The two men and shake off the remnants of sleep as we begin the meditation.  It demands movement, and we shift sequentially from shaking, to rhythmic dance, to stillness. Seated on the ground motionless, I allowed myself to drift.  Suddenly I am no longer this corporeal body. Instead I have become the bright yellow of autumn leaves. Leaves that swirl in a vortex of energy to take the shape of my seated form.  disembodied, I am the light that dances between the leaves, existing outside of time and space. The wind wends itself around my dissolving form, to swallow up these leaves;the only form I now hold, and carry them into the labyrinth of its gaping jaw.  The cold of the concrete floor where I sit, seeps through the thin matting and the numbing chill brings me sharply back to reality.

After breakfast I said farewell to Tanmaya. Sachin has errands to run, and so the two of us set off once again along he river bank, to make our way back to town. At the Ganga View, we share a last cup of chai before saying our final goodbyes. I feel a little sad to be saying goodbye, as he has been a good companion, but I know that this is the way of life on the road. There have been many new acquaintances and an equal number of partings.  However, many I know will become lasting friendships.  Shaking off this momentary sadness, I head back to the ashram.