More Goodbyes

 Saturday, November 13th

I bumped into Chidananda earlier in the week and I let him know that I would be coming by to visit him today.  I had already decided two weeks ago what to buy him as a parting gift. I recalled at our first meeting he spoke about wanting a solar lamp so that he could read at night and I had found en electrical shop that carried them. It occasioned two trips to Rishikesh  to buy it as initially I went on market day and the shop was closed.  The lamp cost just under forty dollars and I also purchased the usual sweets and fruit to offer to Kali; the deity he prayed to.  I arrived at his hut to find him anxiously awaiting me.  He had been expecting me for more than half an hour, and I had to explain that I was delayed in town making my purchases.

Once we were seated and he had lit the gas stove, to prepare hot black coffee, I presented him with his gifts.  To say that he was overwhelmed is an understatement, he really had not anticipated receiving the lamp and he kept mumbling about the cost.  I assured him that it was a gift from the heart and that he did not have to prepare me a special meal in return.

The coffee was strong and sweet, the way I like.   After giving him details of my planned departure, he finally got round to telling me his story.  He had been born into a relatively poor family. His parents had ensured that he and his three siblings attended school, however his fathers salary as a pharmacist dispensing drugs at the government hospital, could barely meet the expense of supporting a family. This meant that he would often go with out food for as many as three to four days at a time.   What he remembers most distinctly about this time, is that when the other children returned to school from home after eating lunch, he could smell their hands. Their hands still carried the scent of food. There is pain in his eyes as he recounts this. It was a dark time in his life and he still carries the wounds.

Perhaps this is what molded him to be a very determined student.  On completing his exams he immediately at eighteen, he went directly to the office of a large manufacturing firm and demanded that the manager give him a job as a trainee manager. So impressed was the manager by his forthrightness and unflinching determination, that he hired him , despite his youth.   This marked the beginning of his career as a corporate manager, and for many years he enjoyed a success that far exceeded his parents expectations. He lived a very comfortable life, and wanted for nothing, yet there remained a vacuum in the center of his life that he just could not fill.  After a long tenure as a corporate manager, one day he simply quit. The spiritual path was calling him and he could no longer ignore the unrest in his soul.

Chidananda, has no regrets about his decision. He has a greater peace now that he ever knew in his former life and he believes that all of his needs will continually be met by the "Mother".   Two hours had lapsed, it was time for me to go.  I said goodbye, promising to look him up the next time I am in Rishikesh.  He was reluctant to let me go. The grip of loneliness was evident; I reconciled myself with the knowledge that this life of isolation is one of choice.

In the afternoon, on my way to Sanskrit class a young man on a motorcycle offer me a ride. On a whim I accepted and climbed onto the bike.   I didn't have far to go before long we were traversing the footbridge leading to Ram Julha where my class is held.  He introduced himself and informed me that If I ever needed a ride I should contact him. He scrawled his name and number onto the back page of my not book and then disappeared in the dense crowd of pedestrians.  He couldn't have been more then twenty three years old.  My suitors are getting younger by the day.  The really shocking thing was that I got on the bike at all, as I have always held an irrational fear of motorbikes.  Perhaps due to the fact that my father used to take me out on his bike when I was about four or five years old;I must be holding some unconscious negative association from that time.  I wasn't exactly traveling at warp speed along the highway, but I feel I conquered my fear, at least in part.